Do you try to avoid a person in a party? Do you have bad past memories which make you look down on self? Do you have hidden hatred about peers who put you in poor light – in public?
Well you are not alone. Many of us – who are not so called – thick skinned – go through this. You hang on to “these things” for long until when it come in way of your personal growth, in your way of reaching your full potential. At that time, we question whether there is anything wrong with me; what do I do about “these things”?
Let’s take a situation and walk through this. I am in conversation with few people in public. That means others are watching the conversation. These people may fall in some of these categories. For each category of people, it might help me to move away from wrong action & attitude towards right action & attitude. Let’s go slowly through each category.
| Category | Wrong Action | Right Action | Wrong attitude | Right attitude |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| They bully you in front of others. They make you feel vulnerable and belittle you. They induce that feeling of inferiority which - especially in public - is baffling. | Get nervous and be vulnerable | Ignore him and be self. If he still continues, say something like - are you done (in an assertive but not angry tone that you really don't care about this)? And move on. | I hate this guy. Wish I could slap him now. I feel down since I could not deal with this guy in front of so many other people. | They are naïve to think that respect is achieved by bullying others. Be humble. Acknowledge your "limited but personal" knowledge and experience about the topic or situation. Be self. |
| They give critical feedback but their intent is not misplaced | Get defensive and defend your stance | Listen, acknowledge their feedback and respond or seek time to think over it | I hate him. He criticized / cut me in front of others. | I listen, process and update my knowledge and experience |
| They are authority on subject matter | Get nervous | Be humble. Acknowledge your respect towards them and put across points you may have | I feel belittled (inferior) in front of these authoritarian figures | Be humble. Acknowledge your "limited but personal" knowledge and experience about the topic or situation. Be self. |
| They are immature on subject matter | Do not prepare. Talk anything. | Still be prepared. Be humble and acknowledge gratitude for the opportunity. Talk sense and make your points. | My goodness, these guys know nothing. | Be humble. Acknowledge your "limited but personal" knowledge and experience about the topic or situation. Be self. |
Well said and done. What do I do about past bullies that still haunt me?
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Jot them down. Forget them now. Better late than never since they should have been ignored that very day.
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It is not that I was fool. Rather other person was naïve enough to feel superior/ seek fun – by showcasing me on lowlight.
Well – How do I future proof self from bullying or calm in a conversation in public?
- Ignore the bully. Cut it assertively if that does not work.
- Be humble. Acknowledge that you have “limited but personal” knowledge and experience about situation/topic. Be self.
- Listen, process and update my knowledge and experience daily.
- Work hard to gain knowledge and experiences about situation and topics daily.
What helped you deal with bully and maintain calm during conversation / presentation in public?